Roy Rogers made me gay

My favorite TV program when I was a kid was "The Roy Rogers Show". Roy was cool. He was "The King of the Cowboys" with his trusty golden palomino, Trigger, and his faithful dog, Bullet.

He fought for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Every week Roy would battle claim jumpers, outlaws, bank robbers, escaped convicts, cattle rustlers, assorted bad men, and whip their asses. He was my hero and he turned me into a big homo.

After all my hero:

1. was married to Dale Evans, "Queen of the Cowgirls", who looked like a bad drag queen,

2. wore more wore fringe than Dale and was into hankies,

3. was also a biker,

4. had a jeep named NELLYBELLE,

5. and his theme song was "Happy Trails".

*sigh* I never had a chance.