Stick to what you know

The last few days have not been all that great here in the hills. My shoulder has been bothering me. Again. After the unfortunate accident in which I broke my collar bone I endured three surgeries to repair the damn break. I spent six months in a figure eight back brace and sling while taking electro-magnetic field treatments before the doctor gave up on the break healing itself and ordered surgery. In the first operation they put in a small metal plate and 4 screws, 2 one each side of the break. Less than 3 weeks later one side of the plate popped loose. Not fun. So a second surgery was ordered.

The second operation involved removing the first hardware and replacing it with a longer metal brace with eight screws. The break never healed, so for a few years the clavicle was held in place by the hardware alone. Then one day BC and I found a life size marble bust of the goddess Hera in an antique shop in London and we decided to buy her. The shop had it delivered. It arrived in a wooden crate that took two burly delivery men a great deal of effort to push/pull up the front steps to the entrance hall. BC tried to pay the delivery guys to unpack it and place it the niche but they smartly declined. I decided we could do it ourselves and proceeded to attack the crate with a hammer and chisel.

You can guess what happened after that. The bust weighed 300 lbs. When we lifted it with a lot of cursing and straining it start to slip from my grasp. I grabbed it under the tits as it slipped and then I felt a snap in my shoulder and my arm sagged. Turned out the metal plate, already weakened by normal wear and tear, broke in half. Strangely it did not hurt much. Stupidly I put off going to the doctor until it did start hurting. So I had a third operation.

This time they removed the scrap metal, cleaned out the scar tissue, and put in 3 interlocking metal plates with 10 screws. Now I am bionic. The break eventually healed. The only problem was my shoulder ached when ever there was a change in the weather. Truly. That was a small price to pay I felt.

My last visit to the orthopaedic surgeon the x-ray showed some resorption around the screws. I was told that meant the hardware was loosening up and might need removal later. Well kiddies, I think later is finally here. I awoke with an achy shoulder Thursday and sure enough we had a storm that night. The storm passed but the ache hasn’t stopped and it is driving me mad. I now feel the plates moving whenever I raise my arm too. Bummer. So I will call the doctor tomorrow and I’m sure I will need a fourth operation.

This weekend whenever I passed that effing bust of Hera on the stair landing I had the urge to take a sledgehammer to it and turn it into gravel.

The moral to the story is that gay boys should stick to what they know, like statues of David. Oh, and never grab a goddess by her tits.