spread the word

Yesterday I let Sam outdoors for his morning romp. The great thing about living in the country is that I can let Sam run free. He doesn’t stray too far but he does head into the woods while making his rounds checking out his kingdom. Usually I accompany him on his rambles but yesterday I busy checking airline schedules to Baku, Azerbaijan.

Twenty minutes later I heard him scratching at the back door. I went to the door and opened it. Sam flew into the house, streaked down the hallway, and bounded up the stairs. But that 5 second dash past me left the unmistakable odor of…skunk. Obvious it had been Sam - 0, Skunk - 1.

To those of you fortunate enough NOT to know what skunk scent smells like let me just say that farts under the blanket are nothing. Nothing!, I tell you compared to a skunk. Sulphur fumes from the river Styx in the Fifth Circle of Hell can not be worse.

Finally I tracked Sam down to my bedroom where I found him furiously rubbing his muzzle on my favorite oriental rug. I managed to drag him downstairs and confine him in the mud room while I drove to town for a remedy. First I bought 10 quarts of tomato juice. And then I found S.O.S., Skunk Out Shampoo for Pets and bought 2 bottles. Then I headed home to confront the problem.

Poor old Sam was cowering as I drug out a wash tub and pulled on rubber gloves. Gagging, I put him in the tub and proceeded to douse him in tomato juice. The tomato juice remedy is just a silly old wives tale folks. It only made Sam smell like a rancid Bloody Mary. Next I tried the S.O.S. and two bottles later he was only marginally more fragrant. I decided to call the Vet before I banished Sam to the garage. He laughed and gave me a recipe which I am now duty bound to pass on to you.

Take 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide (available from any drugstore), 1/4 cup of baking soda (sodium bicarbonate for you science types) and 1 teaspoon of liquid soap, such as Ivory. Mix and immediately apply to the stinky pet. Rinse thoroughly with tap water. Worked beautifully. So there. Now spread the word.

Instead of smelly Sam in the garage there is now only the smelly rug in the garage. Note to self: when in Baku buy replacement rug. Unfortunately I haven’t had the same results in ridding the house of all lingering scents. So today all windows are open and when the maid arrives she has her work cut out.

But she will be forewarned. I did post a sign on the front door: “abandon all hope, ye who enter here”.