I seem to be losing another old friend and I am not sure how to stop it. This friend isn't dying, he just seems to be drifting away. I've blogged before about Scott and Paula and how Paula died last July 25th. Since that day I have felt Scott distancing himself. I felt it starting at Paula's funeral, in subsequent emails and phone calls, and especially on this July 4th (Paula's birthday) when I didn't hear from him.
He told me at her funeral I was the one person that knew what he was feeling. It was true. I knew he had only begun to process his loss. I told him I wasn't going to crowd him for the next few months so he could feel his way through his grief but I was only a phone call away. I didn't get a call. When I began to make contact again he was somewhat distant. Not unfriendly but not talkative. I chalked it up to the newness of his loss. I was careful not to talk about Paula asking only about what he was doing and inquiring after his kids and grandkids.
Then in November when I called him he told me he had started dating again. In fact he told me he had a girlfriend. I admit to being somewhat shocked because he and Paula were such soul mates and best friends. But I careful not to express any shock or disappointment. I told him I was glad he had found someone to date and wished him all the best. I had the feeling he was testing my reaction. When my last email went unanswered six weeks ago it occured to me that maybe he wasn't using the same email address since it was a combination of his and Paula's initials. So I sent an email off to his son asking if he had a new one. I got a long email back saying yes, his dad had a new email address ... and a new wife.
Scott married his Russian teacher, an Azeri woman there in Baku. He brought her back to the US to meet his children and have a second ceremony performed there. It goes without saying I wasn't invited much less told. His son gave me Scott's new email address adding that the newlyweds had just left London for Paris on their honeymoon. I emailed them both my best wishes and told Scott I hoped to hear from him soon. I gat an email the next day. "Ray, I do not like being alone, I have never liked being alone, and I will not be alone." His kids are upset and still trying to cope with the loss of their mother. But I've called them both and asked them to lighten up on their Dad. Not all of us work through our grief the same way or as slowly as others. They know about my suicide try after Bob died. I told them they didn't want their Dad making my mistakes.
I'm just hoping Scott doesn't feel I am too closely linked to Paula. I don't want to loose him too. He and I still have so much in common in addition to a shared past. His new wife is 31. We both now have younger trophy spouses. And if she is half the woman Paula was then she'll make him very happy and that is all Paula and I would ever hope for him. I think I will give him a few months and then I'm inviting them both to London to stay with us and meet Dark. That's what Paula and Bob both would want I think. I know it's what I want. Life goes on.
