Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sam - Jan. 1991 - July 2006

Yesterday morning I was forced to put Sam to sleep. This past week has been a bitch. It started with Sam unable to climb the stairs at night to sleep in our bedroom. This saint I'm partnered with carried him up and down 2 flights of stairs to and from our bedroom everyday all without my asking. Next Sam stopped eating so we took him to the vet. Countless tests, x-rays, and ultrasounds later the diagnosis was cancer of the spleen. I was given the option of surgery with no guarantee of success or putting him down. At his advanced age (15) it seemed best to let him go. So yesterday morning I held him as they put him to sleep. It was all very peaceful. He just closed his eyes and stopped breathing. He is being cremated and I will decide where to scatter his ashes later.

Rest well my friend.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!**

If you live in London or will be visiting in the next few weeks you would be well advised to be very alert to oncoming traffic. I have decided to bite the bullet and learn to drive here. Last week I enrolled in a driving school and lessons start tomorrow. I have never attempted in all my years here to drive in London but gay Scott's taunts have forced me to gut up and take the plunge.

If you are walking in London in the next few weeks please take extra care at roundabout and zebra crossings. These, often confusing to Americans, British stalwarts will be even more dangerous if I am behind the wheel. But I am determined to master London streets as I want to keep a car in London. Besides I’m taking Dark here for our anniversary and I want us to drive there.
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As usual my timing is lousy as petrol is expected to reach £1/liter ($4.20/gallon) shortly. But fuck it. I can't take it with me.

Ok, you've been warned.

**Trivia:
As some of you know the "Danger, Will Robinson. Danger!" quote is from the old Lost in Space TV series. The robot was always saying that to Billy Mumy. When Billy was guesting on Babylon Five Dark would bring his Robby the Robot miniature to the set and place it on the craft services table or on the close up camera to crack him up and make him blow his lines.
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Monday, July 10, 2006

Durdle Door-ed

Saturday gay Scott and I decided to drive down to Dorset to the beach to catch some rays and swim. The 4 hour drive reminded me of drives to the beach as a kid. The closer you got the more excited you became. We went to Durdle Door first and I was properly gob smacked. I had no idea the Dorset coast was so dramatic with cliffs dropping off into the sea. By the time we got to the beach we were pumped and raced into the water. I should have noticed that despite the crowd on the beach the water was mostly empty of swimmers.

The water was freezing. Instant raisin balls, I tell ya. There were a few crazy Russians in the water but most sane people were on the beach. We swam a few strokes and then headed to shore to get some sun. I knew Dark had been working on his tan in NZ and I didn't want him coming home to a ghost. All in all a pleasant day ... except for the 4 hour drive back to London. The drive reminded me of the drives home from the beach as a kid too - hot from too much sun and sand in places it has no business being.

Dark got home yesterday and we went to Winfield House for the July 4th dinner and fireworks. Poor jet lagged guy kept nodding off so I took him home for some private fireworks. It's good to have him home.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I'm not losing this one

I seem to be losing another old friend and I am not sure how to stop it. This friend isn't dying, he just seems to be drifting away. I've blogged before about Scott and Paula and how Paula died last July 25th. Since that day I have felt Scott distancing himself. I felt it starting at Paula's funeral, in subsequent emails and phone calls, and especially on this July 4th (Paula's birthday) when I didn't hear from him.

He told me at her funeral I was the one person that knew what he was feeling. It was true. I knew he had only begun to process his loss. I told him I wasn't going to crowd him for the next few months so he could feel his way through his grief but I was only a phone call away. I didn't get a call. When I began to make contact again he was somewhat distant. Not unfriendly but not talkative. I chalked it up to the newness of his loss. I was careful not to talk about Paula asking only about what he was doing and inquiring after his kids and grandkids.

Then in November when I called him he told me he had started dating again. In fact he told me he had a girlfriend. I admit to being somewhat shocked because he and Paula were such soul mates and best friends. But I careful not to express any shock or disappointment. I told him I was glad he had found someone to date and wished him all the best. I had the feeling he was testing my reaction. When my last email went unanswered six weeks ago it occured to me that maybe he wasn't using the same email address since it was a combination of his and Paula's initials. So I sent an email off to his son asking if he had a new one. I got a long email back saying yes, his dad had a new email address ... and a new wife.

Scott married his Russian teacher, an Azeri woman there in Baku. He brought her back to the US to meet his children and have a second ceremony performed there. It goes without saying I wasn't invited much less told. His son gave me Scott's new email address adding that the newlyweds had just left London for Paris on their honeymoon. I emailed them both my best wishes and told Scott I hoped to hear from him soon. I gat an email the next day. "Ray, I do not like being alone, I have never liked being alone, and I will not be alone." His kids are upset and still trying to cope with the loss of their mother. But I've called them both and asked them to lighten up on their Dad. Not all of us work through our grief the same way or as slowly as others. They know about my suicide try after Bob died. I told them they didn't want their Dad making my mistakes.

I'm just hoping Scott doesn't feel I am too closely linked to Paula. I don't want to loose him too. He and I still have so much in common in addition to a shared past. His new wife is 31. We both now have younger trophy spouses. And if she is half the woman Paula was then she'll make him very happy and that is all Paula and I would ever hope for him. I think I will give him a few months and then I'm inviting them both to London to stay with us and meet Dark. That's what Paula and Bob both would want I think. I know it's what I want. Life goes on.

Monday, July 03, 2006

All gayed out

This weekend was busy. Against my better judgement I went with my friend Scott (gay Scott, not Paula's Scott) to watch a bit of the EuroPride parade Saturday. After about 15 minutes of being jostled and pushed by the crowd on Oxford street I had enough. Besides it was hot and I was sweating in my neck brace. I'm not fond of London when it's really hot. Growing up in Houston I learned that man should never live without air conditioning. I don't care if it's Antartica. Most of the flats and houses here have no a/c and the puplic buildings that do usually have shit a/c systems. But not chez moi. BC suffered from allergies and couldn't live without it. The first year we owned Cranley Place we had a/c installed. Five years ago I had a new system put in and this weekend my house was a favorite stop for friends trying to beat the heat.

Thankfully Scott has a car and he drove me around this weekend. I may have to adopt that boy. He's the sweetest guy. Right now I need to find him a partner. He's 32 and single after an 8 year relationship. He's also 6'2", blond, muscled, green eyed, and Australian. All applicants will be carefully screened because this guy deserves the best. Anyway, we hit several shops to pick up all the things I need for my July 4th BBQ tomorrow. Friday my new Beefeater S3000s gas grill was delivered and for a cash bribe the delivery guys lugged it down the steps into the garden and set it up for me. Scott and I have trimmed and seasoned the briskets and ribs I ordered so early in the morning the cooking begins. It's open house for any American with no place to go or anyone really. Bring your appetite. Tomorrow - the beer is strictly Budweiser and it will be iced. Dark will be stuck eating sushi in Tokyo. But we have tickets to the Independence Day dinner and fireworks next Sunday at Winfield House put on by London's American Society so he won't miss everything. Tomorrow I get to be truly schizophrenic. My American half gets to celebrate independence from the Brits and my British half gets to turn up my nose at our former colonists.

Last night Jane, Scott, and I went to "EuroPride 2006: The Show" at Royal Albert Hall. It lasted four hours so I am all gayed out. The parade, Ian McKellen in drag, Graham Norton, Mamma Mia, and Elton John all in one weekend is more than enough.

Tomorrow will be bittersweet. July the 4th was Paula's birthday. For the first time in 38 years I don't get to call her or be with her. That sucks.