[P] was for Paula

Bangkok/2005

This is one of the saddest days of my life. My friend [P], Paula , died yesterday in Baku, Azerbaijan. She was 53. She developed a sudden pulmonary embolism, was rushed to a clinic, worsened, and died before an air ambulance to Vienna could be arranged.

Houston/1969

Paula played a major role in my life. She was my friend throughout high school and was a fellow actor. She and [S], Scott, took me to The Palace that fateful night in 1970 when I met BC. They married later that year as BC and I became lovers. Our paths crisscrossed the globe over the next 35 years. The four of us met often in places like Austin, Paris, London, Halifax, Moscow, New Orleans, and Jakarta; wherever each of us happened to be working. I am godfather to their son and BC was godfather to their daughter. She and I were last together in Baku in April .

Paula came running when BC died, and again when I attempted suicide. She stayed with me, listened to me, loved me, and helped me put together the pieces of my life. I never had to ask. She just appeared. She is the one who told me to take the leap of faith and accept GB.

I talked to her 2 days ago and we were emailing back and forth only hours before she died.

P to Ray: It’s 3 am here. Scott is asleep. Slumber is evading me and I am tired of running after it.... Entertain me.
Ray to P: Shall I sing or dance?
P to Ray: Better dance. Your singing is crap.
Ray to P: Bitch
P to Ray: I am suffering from that old high school malady….the predawn crazies have taken over.
Ray to P: Oh honey, again? You've had those for decades...they always fade in the daylight...or whenever the scotch kicks in...
P to Ray: Fucker...LOVE YOU!

And I loved her. There really are too many angels in heaven tonight.

nothing but me

So this past week was all about me. Nothing but Ray time. GB left last Monday to vacation with his parents. Time to take back my house and life. I’ve gotten used to living alone. In fact I like it.

I made a list of some of the things I was going to do while he was gone.

1. Have the bed all to myself and sleep late.
2. Go to the grocery store and buy some of my favourite foods.
3. Listen to music I like.
4. Buy some new clothes for myself before leaving for Europe.
5. Clean out my dresser drawers.

The week came and went. How did it go?

1. Bought a white noise machine because I had trouble falling asleep. I needed a little noise. GB has the cutest snore.
2. Came home from the grocery store with GB’s Coco Puffs and his smooth peanut butter.
3. OK, OK...GB may be right, the Cranberries aren’t bad.
4. Bought GB a white D & G shirt.
5. I did clean out the dresser and closet. Now GB has a drawer of his own and a little closet space.

Yes, this past week has been great, it was all about me.

I wonder what he’s doing right now.

catching up

What a month! Can the bad news just stop for a while? Honestly kids, I would like a breather. You may have read or heard on the news about the TN teen that was attacked by a shark while in Panama City, FL. The attack occurred a couple of weeks ago. Poor guy had to have his leg amputated. Anyway, he is a local boy and I know his parents. I have been amazed by the outpouring of support from this area. Friends of the family and even the boy’s schoolmates made short roundtrips to FL, knowing they couldn’t see him, just to boost his morale. He’s back in TN now. Many fund raisers have been held, I helped organize one with some local businessmen, but the ones that inspire the most are the ones by the high school kids. The girls’ high school softball team had a car wash all weekend and raised over 2500 dollars. The community spirit has been overwhelming and has made me very proud to be a member.

Then more bad news, the London bombings on the 7th happened. I spent an entire day trying to get calls through to London to check on friends. The embassy in Washington was swamped with calls and the consulate in Nashville had little information. Thanks to a London blogger buddy I was able to get messages through until I could reach everyone. (Thanks Ewan, you’re aces and I owe you dinner at The Ivy when I return.) The worst news of all is that I lost another good friend to these fanatics. The guy that rents my house in London was severely injured in the Kings Cross blast and later died. Goddamn it! I lost a friend on American flight 11 when it crashed in the WTC 9/11 and now Danny. This has to stop.

I’m going to London next week and see what I can do for Jane. GB is going on vacation with his family so the timing is good. He’ll join me after. It will be his first trip so I get to do my tour guide routine and can introduce him to spotted dick . When he returns to Duke I may stay for a while. I’ve been feeling very British lately. Hopefully life will settle down and I can devote more time to blogging. Blogdom is another awesome community. Thanks also to Ms Bees Knees . “I heart you, girl. You rawk! Care for some spotted dick ?” Do yourself a favour. Go read her blog. You will thank me. Now I have to go prepare GB’s lunch. That boy is going to eat me out of house and home.

Happy 5th, pass the Ben Gay please

When I was a child we had an older dog named Fritz. We were told that getting a puppy companion would be good for him. Make him enjoy his old age. So we got a puppy named Scooter. And Scooter used to run circles around old Fritz. She would grab his ear in her teeth and pull him in all directions. He didn’t seem to mind. He just let her play. Maybe he was happy. I don’t know. I do know he died 6 months later.

Yesterday was action packed. I grilled shrimp, chicken, and beef for fajitas. I made pico de gallo, gilled onions, guacamole, refried beans, Spanish rice, and queso. Friends and family came and went. Dos XXs and Patrone was consumed. Fireworks were exploded. GB insisted I play softball first, and then water volleyball for hours with him, which I did.

This morning he got up early and has gone cycling. I am tired and a little sore today so I decided to stay at home and have been lazing around on the sofa. Maybe old Fritz was happy after all. I just hope I don’t die in six months.